I'm Naive

“My only problem with guns is that they make it far too easy for stupid people to kill me.”

and I tell ya that exorcist gal who piddled on the carpet caused less of a ruckus then I did with what I thought was a pretty mild statement. I wasn't even hinting at taking guns away from stupid people. With that one fairly mild statement a seemingly reasonable rational woman is transformed into a screaming ( I hope she doesn't chuck the meatloaf at me ) nut job.

I am now the enemy. The socialist comunist take your guns away big brother loves you hippy freak.

(Ohh god lord I do have a talent for saying precisely the wrong thing. If only I could learn to use this power for good.)

Because some one is now screaming at you, you feel the spines start to come out the eyes are going cat feral, the teeth are growing sharp behind a polite smile. You want to snap her heels together like a drill Sargent to a fresh boot.

Check it,

You have a 'support our troops' bumper sticker on your car.

I served in the army

you 'wanted' to join the army but couldn't lose enough weight to even qualify for boot camp.

Your husband of 5 years, is a nice fellow but, he is grand negas of the local masons secret hide out

My (ex now but 15 years married to ) was Army EOD that is bomb squad for you civilians,

I have owned guns, shot guns. I once got tossed out of Canada for trying to drive through a bit of Canada with my gun locked and un loaded in the trunk of my car. The Canadians were very polite but quite firm. And told me to just go away and not try and slip back across the border again, any time soon. But say like maybe in the spring you can come back eh? I was very embarrassed.

I don't say any of that. She is a nice lady,,usually. I keep my snark in check. I try, very nicely, (I'm not yelling unlike some people) to explain.

She calls me naive

my head explodes. It's not a big sound, just a small little pop.

Naive? Naive?

This from a woman who once got a butterfly tattooed on her shoulder and to this day thinks, that was daring.

As a retired whore there are a number of names I rather expected to be called....naive was not one I had ever considered. Ok sure I look like a perfectly normal person. It' not like I have retired whore tattooed on my forehead. Not even sporting a red Letter A on my clothes. (though I have considered it but decided it would come off more Laverne and Shirley then as a political statement against puritanism. )

But.. seriously how many dicks do you have to suck before that shiny penny nimbus erodes? And what ever that number is, I'm pretty gol dern danged sure I done past it waay back a when.

And she is still yelling at me.

'If you had EVER, any experience with crime and or bad guys, you’d change your mind then. “ I retire to the living room pouring myself an extra large drink on the way.

why ohh why is it always me who has to be polite to people who yell stupid shit at me? I'm the crazy person. I have fucking papers saying I'm the crazy person. I'm the paranoid wack job here. If anyone's going to be yelling about crime guns and conspiracies I feel it should be me. 

 But it isn’t,

 it never is.

a method to my madness

 (to understand anything you have to read the thing from the start. I would say the first chapter and the last would be the bare minimum, this is a labyrinth I'm afraid. Different from a maze, which has many roads to many possible exits and dead ends. a maze, it's intent is confusion. , a labyrinth is a single path to a determined end to illumination. )

(She had envisioned a quest like this for as long as she could recall,

But on the threshold of it, she found herself hesitating. This was not make believe any more)

(It was almost like serendipity.. or manipulation on a brilliant scale Luke Romyn slaves of vallhalla)

I know how mad this is,.

And I know how confused you are,,

I mean if this were real. Really real,

It wouldn’t be here,

Just some mad silly blog

you came across, you looked at cause, what the heck,

If this were real. It wouldn't be here. It would be in the papers or something. There would be lawyers and official people with important letters behind their names. To tell you ,to let you know, this is so.

Allow me to elucidate the method to my madness.

I do not accept the diagnosis of my madness. I acknowledge that I am in the minority opinion regarding this. But since I'm the only one who might get killed here, my opinion is the only one I listen to.

On the good side no one has tried to kill me since I left San Francisco. There were those gang bangers that had a bit of a brawl on my porch but I beat them off with a wet mop. Nothing like a dirty wet mop in the face to take to fight out of a guy. But other then that, all quiet on the eastern front.

So far. Course so far, I'm just a mad woman yittering away on a mad little blog. I am utterly ignorable. I doubt Boccie has given me a thought at all in the past few years. Course that could change.

Sooner or later Boccie will get that e-mail,, someone one is saying terrible things about you,,

I am not expecting him to send out the zoo crew this time. Really now what would be the point except to prove my sanity and who would want that? And if I did get all dramaticly shot up, I guess the book would get published and on that nice Oprah's gals book list. Nothing like a dead mad whore to boost sales.

It's not like killing me would shut me up. Ahhh too late for that, far to late. This mad little blog is already out there, your reading it right now. Go ahead try and put that pony back in the barn.

Course I've done the CYA thing. So very mellow dramatic “keep this just in case anything ya know messy happens to me.” Left the info needed to update my blogs, the RIP post I hope wont ever be needed. I figure between that and my twitter peeps and a few other social sites I've left the info for, well I figure nothing like a murder to get retweeted all to hell and back.

Boccie could try and send lawyers after me.

Defences to claims of defamation include:

• Statements made in a good faith and reasonable belief that they were true are generally treated the same as true statements; however, the court may inquire into the reasonableness of the belief. The degree of care expected will vary with the nature of the defendant: an ordinary person might safely rely on a single newspaper report, while the newspaper would be expected to carefully check multiple sources.
• Opinion is a defence recognized in nearly every jurisdiction. If the allegedly defamatory assertion is an expression of opinion rather than a statement of fact, defamation claims usually cannot be brought because opinions are inherently not falsifiable. However, some jurisdictions decline to recognize any legal distinction between fact and opinion. The United States Supreme Court, in particular, has ruled that the First Amendment does not require recognition of an opinion privilege.[30]

Basically, Boccie in a court of law would have to : A. Prove that he is now and was then nothing more then a legitimate business man with no connections to all the bad stuff I talk about.

B. Then he would have to prove that I am now and was then a sane person. You see you can say stuff that's just wrong, that's not libel. Makes you a bit of a fool but not a liar.

I have long detailed papers all signed by doctors all saying I'm a mad person with a paranoid delusion that her former landlord is a mobster.

I think that would be a fun trial to attend. Some one in court trying to prove me sane. I may just try my hand at law for that one and defend myself.

I'm just Freaking Adorable

There is a wonderful freedom that comes with being a mad person. It's like getting a permanent free hall pass in school. ( I had one by the way, that's what they give you when you skip class to go to the library. )

Ok so career wise I can't even get a job as walmart greeter, I mean it;s not official or anything but hey get real, you have a job application from someone. You google, right? Everyone does, and there you really want to hire someone who is front page crazy? And smokes?

It's cool I understand, and lets get real I was a lousy employee. I told my last boss to “shut the hell up.” she came down with laryngitis the next day, couldn't talk for two weeks. Yeh that was pretty much the end of that job.

So being a crazy person is bad for the career, but it's not anything I was ever going to be good at any way so meh.

The good part is I can say or do any god damned thing I want to and “What? I'm a crazy person, what really do you expect.? I haven’t burned down anything in years, A standard of expectations I find easy enough to exceed. Aim for the stars and all that jazz meh I rather prefer having exceptions set so low I can perfectly ignore their existence.

But am I mad enough? Now that is an interesting dilemma. I look like a perfectly normal sane person I talk like a perfectly normal sane person. (one with the sort of vocabulary that makes people think I'm really smart). So how on earth am I to justify all those papers? Having to constantly explain to people that I'm a mad person is just so socially awkward .

Of course I could just not talk about it at all, but you do get into all that where were you when and what did you do? Discussions that lead to either to lengthy explanations which people don't believe anyway and then they are annoyed with me for lying, or I lie which does have the effect or making people happier with me but results in me becoming unreasonably cranky.

So I have to be mad in some way apparent but not scary mad, after all I'm a pyro so I kinda feel it's incumbent on me to be reassuring. I have been trying to develop into a charming eccentricity. Cute, people think I'm cute, addled but cute. Took me just 50 years to pull that off. By the time I'm 70 I may just be able to manage adorable.